Do you want to date someone who’s a little bit cuter? Someone who seems out of your league? Allow me to take all the fun mystery out of dating.

Unsurprisingly, everyone wants to end up with the person we find most attractive. But dating is two-sided: we can’t just “choose” someone, since they also have to think of us as a catch. This creates a two-sided marketplace. How high do you aim? But more importantly: who do you decide to pursue?

Most of the time, we pursue someone who looks the part: someone cute who finds us cute. Someone who looks like they’d be a good significant other. But the long road, a.k.a. the slow burn, is the best method to figuring out other people. Don’t immediately pursue others or put them in the friend zone. The way we learn about other people means that we often mistakenly let single or meaningless traits define the way we see them. Suspend judgment. Don’t think you have an idea of how you’ll end up relating to someone. Be patient.